I'm starting college for the first time on the 18th, majoring in pre-pharmacy. I'm a little nervous because it's been so long since I've been in school, but mostly I'm excited. When I graduated high school, I joined the Navy because I had no idea what I wanted to be "when I grew up". So I thought being in the Navy would give me time to think about it. I had planned on going to college at some point while I was still in the service, but I never made it that far. Before I could ever be stationed on a ship, I found out I was pregnant, and that's when my husband and I got married. We knew if we didn't get married then, that we might never see each other again because the Navy doesn't station you together if you're not married. (We're still married btw, so it wasn't just some "rush into it" decision that we made. Almost 8 years now!) After Abby was born, I still wanted to be in the Navy. I thought the Navy would work with Nick and I and alternate our sea duty rotations so that I'd be on shore while Nick was assigned to a ship, and vice versa. They didn't. Nick was on a ship, and my detailer wanted me to be on a ship too. That's when I knew my Navy career was going to be cut short. I refused to be on a ship the same time as my husband. It would've been hard enough on our kids to always have one of us out to sea, but to have BOTH parents out to sea at the same time and have someone else raising them?? No. Absolutely not.
For a long time, I was very resentful. I LOVE traveling. I mean, I didn't join the Navy just to get pregnant and get kicked out. I really wanted to go places and see things that most people don't get to. Nick gets to do all that, and I'm still jealous. Jealous, not resentful anymore. Over the years since I was discharged, I've accepted the fact that I most likely will never get to see the world. I still really wanted to go to college though. One of the things my dad told me when I was growing up was that I should always be self-sufficient. I shouldn't get myself in a position where I'm totally dependent on another person because, let's face it, most people are not trustworthy. There's that potential for me to get screwed over so bad I may never recover from it. Which is partially why I joined the Navy. I figured if nothing else, I'll at least still have a job right? lol Yeah......
So, since 2004, I have been a stay at home mom. I haven't had a job since then, and I'm completely dependent on Nick. Here's hoping we don't get divorced anytime in the near future. lol So me going to college right now is HUGE for me. I feel like I'm finally on my way back to being able to provide for myself. In a few years, Nick will be retired from the Navy, and he'll be the one dependent on my paycheck. I gotta say, that feels pretty good, knowing that I'll actually be able to contribute something instead of just feeling like a leech.
In addition to all of that, I've made amends with some people after being so angry for so long. I'm still a little angry, but most of that weight feels like it's been lifted off my shoulders. I know this paragraph is probably a little enigmatic to most of you, and really... you don't need to know all the gory details of what exactly I'm talking about.
All you need to know is that I'm finally on my way to truly being happy again for the first time in a long time. So here's to new beginnings, second chances, and happiness.
