I quit my job a few weeks ago, and I'm back to being a stay-at-home mom. Temporarily. I'm going through some anxiety issues right now, and my therapist and I have agreed that it's best to wait a little bit before I start a new job somewhere. I was crocheting to help distract myself from my anxiety. Making blankets, scarves, ugly hats that nobody wears... it was calming. I'm a fidgety kind of person and it gave me something to do with my hands. But, I've lost the feeling in one of my finger tips, and my doctor thinks it may be from crocheting. Like, I may be putting too much pressure on the nerves in my finger with the way I hold the crochet hooks or something. So he told me not to crochet for 2 weeks. And now I don't know what to do with myself. So I'm writing this blog. I enjoy playing World of Warcraft, but I don't want to sit at my computer all day playing video games. Reading is hard when I have anxiety, because I literally can't turn my brain off, and I keep getting distracted by thoughts and then having to re-read whatever paragraph I've been trying to read for the last 10 minutes. I love origami, but how many paper cups and paper animals do I really need sitting around the house just because I'm bored and need something to do with my hands? I like scrapbooking, but that takes up a lot of room, and I need to be able to spread out, and I don't have anywhere to do that. Someone once suggested that I write a book. I enjoy writing, but I have no idea what to write about.
My problem is that for my entire adult life, I've been someone's wife, and someone's mom. But I haven't been my own person. So I don't know who I am. If I didn't have a husband or kids, who would I be? What would my hobbies be? What would I enjoy doing if I were living by myself? I have no idea because everything I've done the last almost 17 years has been for my husband and kids. So what do I do with myself? How do I find out who I am? I'm in this rut, and I'm bored, and I'm trying to find a new hobby or something that I can throw myself into passionately, but I have no idea what to do. Is this what a mid-life crisis is? I'm too young for a mid-life crisis. Maybe a 1/3 life crisis? lol I am only in my 30s after all.
Anyways... I just needed to get some thoughts out of my head. See if maybe something would come to me as I was writing this. Nothing yet. Hopefully soon.
